full of blanks (F.t. with unanswered questions)

my head is so full 

but too blank to convey any of the thoughts held there 

they are speeding by unable to catch

i'm better then this 

i want to scream at the mirror 

falling back into such sweetly unhealthy habits 

the ones that fuck me into comfort and complacency

obsessively get on a scale, check 

stop eating, check 

pass out in the middle of a work out... there is a better way to do this?

am I really better than this?

what does that look like? 

not that, not me, 

will i ever be anything more then a copy of my mother 

i am fucking terrified 

i'm tired

The Verge

There are days were I can’t move

It hits me, my mind tumbles and for hours trying to figure out whats wrong

Then there's the feeling that you are on the verge of something like tipping over the cliff

the verge of crying? of falling? collapsing into a sleep you hope to the god you won’t wake

up from

If only it were that easy. Just not wake up. No have to face this.

who are we kidding I can't sleep

The sadness has stolen so much of my energy.

It’s a drain your life. The tension in my body builds like water behind a dam

Even my sleep is restless. I don’t have it together. I’m so easy to break

One of those nights

it's like this sometimes in the dark
when the direction of thoughts turn over and over
the mind boils and bubbles up with old torments
was it me?
did i cause this
what happened
why
no one answers
no one except me
sleep is a dream on these night
were the question plague and swarm
tired is more of a lifestyle then a temporary state
it's okay i deserve it
i can take it
it'snot a big deal
i was wrong wasn't i
isn't that why you left.
fuck all of this
why
it's just one of those fucking nights
the one were the headaches gather and throb
were no amount of breathing will fill your lungs
it's fine it's okay i'm okay?

Love and Loyalty

 I watched everything 

You preached  love and loyalty 

Your actions followed through 

Only just 

As long as there was praise 

That I didn't see 

I didn't see that need 

And when the cards began to fold 

And you ran away 

You shattered my perception

Betrayal sucked the air from my lungs  

But I finally saw everything

Love is not a feeling 

It's an action 

You were simply done acting 

Loyalty isn't suppose  to fade with the wind

Were you even loyal

I still love you but this still hurts 

You were suppose to be my example of love and loyaly

I expected too much of a human 

Armies Of the Ruin

I hope you can read between my words

 as clearly as I can read your lies 

I hope you see the battle line 

Go head

Across them 

It'll be fun 

Your twisted tongue infecting the young. 

Poison on your lips 

There’s one thing you missed 

You raised me

I know you

So I hope you read between the lines

It wouldn’t be any fun if you couldn't

Go head 

step across my battle line

You didn't know the ruin raise armies 

Thoughts Scattered in Hurricanes

                        I scour the 

world to find a word 

One word 

         that could describe

 how much I  despise 

the very essence      of your existence 

Your not even worth       the effort but

maybe it will  quell the  hurricanes in my head 

Say something, please

You are a whisper 

In and age were people shouts 

Your lack of noise terrifies me 

cause I don't know if your okay

Please be okay